To new beginnings

Its sad that 365 days of 2010 has gone by. Another year fleeting pass us all. Both good and bad memories linger, friends made and some lost. A new beginning dawns upon us tomorrow so let's embrace the break of a day, leaving all that is lost in its place, pushing forward unachieved goals, unfulfilled desires in hope of accomplishing the impossible.

Here's to a new year.
Thank you all my readers for being ever so loyal through the years.

Love,
D.

19th Christmas

Surprised with a cake decorated specially alongside with macarons surrounding it, came home the first photo Len and I took together in a frame, a sunflower, letter and a message Len and Susan drew on my window.

To everyone who has made my 19th so memorable only 6 hours into it, thank you so much. I am thoroughly grateful.

So here's a memorable 19th to myself and all others who share the same birthday as I do!
Merry Christmas everyone.
And thank you Len for making it so heartfelt, you're such a sweetheart I can barely take it!


D.

Better late than never

Whenever I look back, I can't help but remember all the things I wanted. The little gestures that would last a life time accompanied with the thought that no matter repeated a thousand times in your head feels even sweeter than the first.

Time check. 5.10am

I'm actually smiling to myself right now. This feels so silly.

Len has been asking me to check my mail so I suppose it was another snail mail with his heartfelt scriblings on them which required a tinsy pinch of decoding. I just happened to remember that I was suppose to check it so I did.

There was a maroon envelope with my address, name, an air mail chop and a christmas island stamp on it. It looked a5 just slightly squareish. As much as I wanted to rip the envelope apart, I tried to remain composed for another minute or two and took a snap of it for memories.

I slid the card out and on it said, "Better late than never".
By then I already had a smile fixated on my face anticipating. So I flipped it open and as I read word after word, all that kept running through my mind was how he took the trouble to look for a card, get it mailed to me on his last day before he saw me the next, planned a gift, in perfect timing. On the card, he mentioned how the "past" him was communicating with the "present" me through snail mail and that if there were any rotten events in my future, he'd repair the present in hope of a better outcome. How he's grateful for the trust I've entitled him with and wished me a Happy Birthday in advance.

He stayed over the past weekend so sometimes I go over to my luggage to look for stuff. I did see something loosely wrapped with black paper but never quite bothered cause I thought it belonged to him. Just 10 minutes ago I realised that it was for me! Hahaha. Initially I was suppose to ask him for the present in person, even though that didn't fall through, i'm still thoroughly surprised. So now, we both have the same pair of shark pants from Peter Alexander!

The littlest things can mean so much.
Thank you Len.
<3



Goodnight everyone.
My week has begun on a good note.
D.

Tongues

Everyone's having a merry time and I'm sitting out tabulating my thoughts. I'm not quite sure if it's my moodswings affecting my clear or if it's truly what I'm feeling. It's starting to settle a little but I'm pushing it above barely sustaining it's weight. During moments like these, my mind feels low, mellow and monotoned. I want to believe in my decisions, to have confidence but my animosities are getting in the way.

It feels like nothing is ever settled even after so much time. Am I truly contended with what I have? Am I ever going to see the greater good in everything and everyone? My emotions feel still, my toes clinging onto the chair as I hear chatter turn to muffles everywhere. The fan lashing breaths of winds in my face don't seem to bother me anymore. All I need is something, something to clear my mind.

To keep my spirits up.
To tell me that I'm doing the right thing.
That retracing should never be done.


One step, maybe two.
?
Remember.

I'm pushing it all aside. I think I'm getting pretty good at it.


D.

Monotones

There are moments you spend watching the sky trying to make out shapes the clouds, the air conditioning smells fresh, the chatter muffled, your eyes gleaming upwards gradually scrolling down as you watch the traffic pass you by. Sometimes it goes by so fast all you see are smudges. You enjoy the ride and wish it never would end. You see dragons, bunnies and even faces of people you don't recognise.

Those are fleeting moments.

As we all get older, we realise that everything is hard. And when you feel like you're slowly breaking down, cracks penetrating the strength of your walls, you seek help. Its okay to fall or to cry, we all do that but when you seek help and help reaches out to you, grab it before like you've never done before, pull it close to you and move forward. Living in the same tile, enclosed by the same space never gets you anywhere. Build a bridge and get over it. Cause if all you're gonna do is cry from afar whilst refusing to budge, no one will ever be given the opportunity to help you. At times like this, create opportunites to save yourself. Those who have wronged you will realise. Today. Tomorrow. Someday.

D.

A weekend in summer

December's been great so far! Things have been picking up, the holidays going by amazingly quick but time spent has been well spread out.

On Saturday we celebrated Lorna's 19th. We had a late xiao long bao buffet which was yum! Pity I didn't have much of an appetite but I still had a couple of baskets. Len's back from perth, he got me a strawberry which I sort of or rather could say devoured on my own. The dinner was a success and everyone came over for drinks after. I totally crashed on everyone and headed to bed while they were at their peaks! Was too tired to even change I had to get up in the middle of the night to take a bath. Everyone looked their best, boys too dashing, girls too drop dead beautiful! The smiles on everyone's faces was enough credit for me, the preparation and gathering of everyone was tough especially with only a day's notice. But all was good.






























Len stayed over for the weekend, I think we all spent more time awake then asleep! I had dinner with his family yesterday and he gave me a private tour of the mint museum. We didn't get to cover all the floors cause we were running late for dinner. Dinner was thai, really yummy thai. We caught Crazy Christmas 2010 by Dream Academy Playhouse. Its an amazing play, the humour element left me tearing after every item! I couldn't help but burst into the ugliest laughters whilst kicking myself.













That concludes my weekend! How was yours?

D.

path of wrinkles

--

Yesterday evening, I met an old woman who looked very much like any old woman you'd see strolling down the streets of Singapore. Bag in hand, wrinkly skin up right to the eyes, a smile that was warm, giving and friendly. She looked visibly harmless, you would think she'd never hurt a fly.

She came up to my friend and I, handed us a letter and kindaly asked if we could interpret the contents of the letter to her. My mandarin isn't very fluent so my friend had a good read of the letter before proceeding to decipher and translate its contents. As I watched the expression on the old woman's face, anxiety ran through her little frame, her eyes lit up like a child waiting for candy on a rainy day. Looking to and fro between my friend and the old woman, I knew the news that everyone was anticipating was something big.

My friend placed the letter back down on the table and gave me a glance before she began.


"Aunty, the letter says that they will have to deal with your son's case before they can start helping him look for a proper job".

Her face sunk, so did her heart, you could see right through her. Her eyes became as dull as the blackness of the night, tears were starting to form behind her eyes but she forced a straight face. She heaved a thanks with a smile.

She then proceeded to say,
"My son has been in prison for 2 and half years. They assured me that they would start helping him look for a job. Its hard to self sustain but I get by by selling tissues . They tell me I have to see him twice a month, each time bringing books for him costing $12. Where can I get that money? My daughters, they blame me for everything that has happened and they don't provide for me financially. In fact, they've told me I am the one to blame for getting pregnant so young, being unwise. What have I done wrong? At this time, her voice was getting shakey but she still stayed firm. I stay at home and have a good cry all the time, I was crying all day today but I stopped because I had to go and sell tissues. Everyone has labeled me as a terrible mother. When they were younger, when they were hurt, who nutured them back to solid health? Who was always there? I'm 77 years old this year. It's not easy. There is this one social worker whose constantly helping me and I appreciate her help. She is such a good person. Annie, yes Annie's her name. My children have left me to fend for myself. Its honestly tough going around selling tissues. Others think i'm trying to stir pity but I'm not."

At this point she stopped herself cause one of our friends came by. She thanked the both of us for helping her out and told us to be good. After she left, I ran the details by my friend. Then I realised that the old lady who looked happy and wholesome was actually a mother who felt worthless to her children, a twisted truth that slowly began to take a toll on her but yet she is still trying desperatly to make ends meet. Her heart being ran over a trillion times That is one hell of an amazing mother and woman.

I know she probably won't remember me but after this little experience, I feel its a need to constantly remind yourself that your actions have consequences. Before you dive into anything, consider the little side effects that may possibly occur. No one deserves to pay for your mistakes or take responsibility just because you're too much of a coward to do so or because you're simply selfish. Your parents are people who have raised you, you are naturally obliged as their children to only allow them the grace to age gracefully. To provide for them what they have provided for you. The everyday struggles they go through just to ensure you are raised in a good enviroment deserves at least some credit. Before you start slashing or getting into a gang fight, perhaps stealing, lying any negative trait of that sort, think thoroughly. Is it all that worth it? You do know that you are the only one getting hurt in the end don't you?

Do your best to not hurt the people around you and at most, don't hurt yourself.



So here's a good morning to thank god its Friday! Have a splendid weekend everyone.
And lastly, thanks mom and dad.

D.

Pricey but worth it

Things have been alright for me so far. In fact I would say they're looking up. Its been clear blue skies but summer's going by fast. I was actually thinking of going back a little earlier but everyone's making me to stay. Catching up with everyone has been great. Same old scribbles, same old ways. I've finally done the almost impossible. I've turned my body clock back around! Now, i'm awake at the right times and I sleep as early as 9.30pm. My body feels great, a lot more receptive and i'm beginning to appreciate the sun even though my skin doesn't exactly persist me to.

I've also done some tweaking for my layout if you notice. Its a lot more compact and wordy looking. December's here, another year soon to go by, another year added to my age baggage. I'll be 20 next year sometimes I wish time would slow down. How January never seems to roll, how we anticipate June. But when December arrives, the holidays kick in then we realise that yet another year has gone by. Friendships gained, some lost, unachieved goals get pushed to the next year in hope of recollecting self worth or to attain respect.

2010 has been memorable. I got my license, went to university and broke a cycle which I never quite thought could be broken. 2011 is going to be better. I am going to embrace whatever comes my way, take the broken out of them and focus on linings i think i'm still new to.

We all have to start somewhere, don't we?

Seasons change

I have this undying love for looking through old photos and reminiscing as laughter, memories and bitter squalls fill my mind. Sometimes in life when you feel the neverending weight of responsibilites hanging over your shoiulders, don't you just want to give in, give up and live in peace?

Or have you ever felt like you were stuck in a mess and you would rather remain still, in hope, praying that an answer will come to your silent pleas.

Its funny how you wish someone was someone they were not, how you wish the sun would stay up longer so you didn't have to go home, how curfews should never be given the permission to exist, how you wish to find that one true person you can see yourself loving for the rest of your life and for him to do the same only with more precision, passion and sincerity. We wish for so many things. Within all the layers of life, the different aspects, its like a neverending family tree. You are the core of this gimongous plant, but how with the slightest defect in any branch shakens you. You want to be taken care of, spoken to, reminded of how special you are.

Well i'm reminding you that you are.
We're all trees in an orchard waiting to bloom every spring, to find love in summer, to fall even deeper in the autumn and to cuddle in the winter.


Here's good night from Hazel and I.
Have a great weekend!
D.

Say what you mean

So i finally got around to getting my video up on photobucket! I'll update with something productive soon.

If its one thing I love about a guy its him writing me letters. I love it when you wake to a surprise letter that boosts your spirits as you get ready for the day. And it gets better when you can keep reading the same words over and over again. Without fail, it paints a smile on your face.

10 songs you should listen to,
1. A fine frenzy - Elements
2. Symmetry and Ryan Lewis - Feel right
3. Cascada - Because the night
4. The Temper Trap - Soldier On
5. Angus and Julia Stone - Big Jet Plane
6. A fine frenzy - Happier
7. Amy Meredith - Young at Heart
8. Mike Posner - Cheated
9. Dan Black - Wonder
10. The Wombats - Tokyo

Its 6am, goodnight everyone.
xx
D.